This has been difficult to write, and very exposing.  But I am passionate about making sure that people feeling that they belong here and are not just ‘fitting in’, and I hope that you enjoy ‘Being You at BNU’ too.

After years of working in HR and encouraging people to be open about their struggles so that we can make sure we really are helping everyone to develop and thrive in their roles, I’ve finally realised that I need to do the same. 

My story is fairly typical; there are many people recognising neurodivergence in themselves as adults now, often following the diagnosis of a child.  For me, the isolation of Covid, the challenge of home schooling, my mum being diagnosed with secondary breast cancer, the physical and mental symptoms of peri-menopause and then starting a new role that involved me moving very much out of my comfort zone created a perfect storm of anxiety and an inability to cope.  Only when one of my children was diagnosed with ADHD and I read more about neurodiversity and menopause did I realise that my own life has been built around a big heap of masking and coping strategies.

How could I be passionate about supporting diversity and inclusion and advocating for people who have the same struggles as me whilst not actually accepting that I need to give myself a break and be my authentic self at work too?

School Days

My son displayed typical symptoms of an ADHD boy and was labelled naughty, disruptive and fidgety when he began secondary school. He struggled to focus and had some processing difficulties. He was referred to CAMHS but didn’t receive his diagnosis until 4 and a half years later, after he’d left school. Although I knew it tends to run in families, it didn’t occur to me that I may also have ADHD. 

My Grandma used to say I was ‘dreamy’ and ‘dizzy’, but I was conscientious at school and too shy to draw attention to myself by being disruptive. I learned that ADHD that doesn’t present as hyperactive-impulsive is often overlooked, and is the reason that so many women are not diagnosed until later in life*.  The hyperactivity that is typically seen in a very physical way can also happen internally, as a barrage of different thoughts rushing around the brain – even though outwardly it can seem like you’re daydreaming. It often co-exists with other conditions, including sleep and anxiety disorders, learning difficulties, and depression.  According to CHADD, up to 53% of adults with ADHD may also have an anxiety disorder** and the symptoms of ADHD and anxiety often worsen during the menopause***.

Self-discovery

In the spirit of a true Gen X’er, I joined a Facebook group! Finding out there are other people who thought in the same way as me was somewhat of a revelation: it’s common to experience hyper-focus as well as being easily distracted and to fear disapproval so much sometimes that you avoid interaction altogether; I’m not the only one who hears their stupid words echoing around my head and cringing about them for literally years afterwards. I’m not that weird for smelling illness brewing on their children (well ok, maybe that one is a bit weird).  

I haven’t been diagnosed.  There are long waiting lists and I’m not sure it would help me. But I’ve finally come to accept that I’m just different and that’s ok. And whilst it’s important to be honest, it’s also important to practice self-compassion – not just for yourself but for others around you. It’s important for our students and our children to see us being kind to ourselves and confident, so they can do the same. I’ve learned a lot from my children. My youngest talks about how she and her friends support each other with social anxiety. My middle child has ADHD; I see the barriers he faces and I watch him overcome them too. My eldest has always been unconventional and very confident to be cool with being uncool.

So many people are now recognising the positive aspects of having ADHD (and other types of neurodivergence). I might get easily distracted by many thoughts, but those thoughts often make me more creative. Acting impulsively sometimes means that I often take the initiative. And overthinking and having a strong inner critic makes me think through potential problems and produce better work. Whilst the journey has not been smooth sailing, I am finally acknowledging that my neurodivergences can be strengths, and am proud to advocate for the positive contributions that our members of our neurodivergent community can make, both at BNU and in the wider world.

References

• _{* CHADD Women and Girls}
• _{**CHADD Coexisting Conditions}
•  _{*** The ADHD Centre}